Mostly you live on the run from the monstrosity
Hating it but tethered to it by a long, invisible chord that can’t be cut
The tentacle of the beast that created & shaped us,
It was that which I grew to hate, the parasite within, the world outside.
The Leviathan, the contract coerced & forced into signing
Years of indoctrination, persecution, taxation, prostitution and prostration
Designed to make you buy into a rigged game
School, work, marriage, retirement, death.
They have it down to a science now.
So-called formal education, sinking ship going in just one direction
They call me crazy, yet believe in causes, gods and governments blindly.
Doped and drugged up young to ensure compliance and profit
Forced into addictions to drugs with no highs but terrible withdrawal
Biochemical suggestion, the madness of birth in the sanitized satanized
West 0.2 where the sheriff is a paranoid failing superpower
Whose weapons and wars live for money, jobs and oil.
I was 11 when the towers fell, 13 when Baghdad burned.
Directionless, discontented and desiring adventure
But stuck in a nowhere town, where the last wild frontier lies in the mind,
My companions & I decided to open the Doors of Perception
To see how deep down the Rabbit Hole I could get,
Sweating, puking, floating in three places at once
Becoming orgasmic patterns of peacock liquids within the ceiling,
Walking drunk back from a party in the snow with one sneaker
Breaking things for the sheer joy of destruction, for anger and pain & thrill.
Hunted by the cops, hopped up on coke hiding in the tiny habitat garden Created when I was a student there, now tall trees and bushes.
Breaking out, taking out rage & confusion
When I saw through the illusion, when the high wore off
When I crashed, alone broke and sober undergoing
SSRI withdrawal and depersonalization, cocaine,
Weed and constant paranoia.
When once I used to feel new and free,
To push the borders of my sanity and understand the point
Then I realized there is no point or purpose but what we create.
I started to use whatever made me numb, lost in a sea of opioid dreams
Broke free from pain and worry and chained myself to a
Dark God in a dirty deal.
Morpheus saved me from the Beast,
In return I supply him with money, semi-synthetic poppies & blood sacrifices,
Dripping from my nose & arms.
If I leave his service the vengeful torments will be
Almost unbearable. The red flag means go. Push in the plunger.
He asks for more and gives back less every time.
Balances must be sustained.
I bent my back for the Beast and broke one pact in exchange for another.
I tried to cut it out of me with a blade so the machinery of the state
Detained and drugged me, named me crazy with a red wristband.
But what drove me over the line?
Have I always been like this? It seems to be getting worse.
Anxiety, depression, panic attacks.
The feeling that something terrible is about to happen.
The sensation of a malevolent curse.
-Jack Blare 2018